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Post by spookythings on Nov 16, 2006 3:22:08 GMT -5
i have too much time on my hands. i'm also working on ror sims. i take forever to do anything.
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Post by spookythings on Dec 10, 2006 3:54:24 GMT -5
finally got a little more done.
CONTINUED...
and then a faceless voice behind me, said i must obey him only, to take his word, and bring a gift each month to the talking door. grinding loudly, machinery stuttered, still i sat but inside shuddered, afraid the ropes cut would be cluttered with my fingers on the floor. when at the last the scissors freed me, i grabbed the bucket by the door - a knowing knight revived once more.
hardly had his words been spoken, i was dispatched to find a token, a request i dared not deny, though without question i did abhor this woeful thrust into disaster, but still i catered to my captor, up the stairs my tread grew faster, until a box i stood before, with a poster on the door.
a butterfly, i thought smiling, for didn't i just see one idling in the cargo bay, green and glittering, flying lazily back and forth? of this insect i was thinking, but reality showed it merely shrinking, fading steadily, with amanda chasing, through a guarded door - a door that shut upon my arrival, leaving me no choice but to explore this inexplicable airship some more.
thus i found a scene distressing, no vulgar words tried i repressing, cursing the little demons whose hearts had rotted to the core; suspended from the ceiling, whining, hung a dog by ropes entwining, tugging at the hateful binding, my useless hands could do no more, thick and tightened hateful binding, only scissors would return him to all four. he'd have to wait a while more.
stumbling upon a gnarled spinster, my very presence quite incensed her, 'filthy wretch!' she snapped unkindly, scrubbing bitterly at the floor. leaving her to loathe and resent me, tormented sobs i followed intently, to a crying sprite who knelt shedding tears with ardent vigour. miserable wails of this ghostly cherub, crying with such tireless vigour - tears and tears and nothing more.
suddenly lament gave way to violent evil, the tined fork of a child devil stabbing earnestly at my hand, piercing the butterfly i reached for - a dead insect was all i wanted, and in my flesh a fork was nearly planted! what is this place of tempers flaunted, where no rage is too minor to ignore? duchess, baronness, countess, the poor - every indiscretion is a vehement uproar. is there hope beyond that door?
more on the way but i'm going to bed.
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Post by Carmichan on Dec 10, 2006 12:01:00 GMT -5
Wow....that is absolutely amazing. Basing of The Raven or no, the game's events are paralleled wonderfully in this. I can't tell you how blown away I am from this, so let me just say one word: gorgeous.
However, I couldn't help but notice a few parts where the rhythm wavered slightly. In a way, that could be seen as a really good metaphor seeing as how Jennifer's brains are rather scattered throughout the game (not to say that a few missed syllables qualify it as scattered; I didn't even notice it until a second reading). In any case, a few easy little words where they're needed would even out the poem. I mean that instead of saying,"'tis some child,' i thought, 'begging to be read some more", you could say instead,"'tis some child,' i thought in silence, 'begging to be read some more"
Don't worry too much on it, because I really can't notice it unless I say it out loud. Evening the rhythm of poems is just something I like to do. In any case, that's one of the best poems I've read in a while, and you have a lot of talent.
The second add-on doesn’t seem to waver, or at least not so I would notice. Either way, I love this to death and can’t wait until you update! <3
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Post by spookythings on Dec 10, 2006 15:49:59 GMT -5
thank you, carmichan! thats so sweet. the first part definitely needs some work, i wrote it back when i was still struggling to achieve even the slightest sense of coherency. once i've finished with the rest of it, i'll go back through and tidy that first section up, change some lines and words, etc. thank you again! i'll try to get some more done today.
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Post by empressjess on Dec 10, 2006 19:31:23 GMT -5
This...this is epic, spooky. Why didn't I read this earlier? More things to happily await
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Ralph Goat
Beggar
Ze veel nevah zee eet cahming!
Posts: 214
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Post by Ralph Goat on Dec 16, 2006 15:55:03 GMT -5
Awesome work Spooky, this woulda taken me ages to make up. XD
Your work is a joy to read. ^_^ Can't wait to see another update.
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Post by PrinceJoshua on Dec 16, 2006 17:40:04 GMT -5
UPDATE!!!
Lol, cant wait to see more. ;D
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Post by spookythings on Dec 19, 2006 6:07:24 GMT -5
thank you empressjess, ralph goat and princejoshua! i'm working on more. tonight is 'pets take pictures with santa' night at the mall so i've got to drag my bebe down to see the jolly old fraud, but i might be able to put up an update before we go. thanks so much again for the support and patience. i'm so glad that you all like it even though we already know whats going to happen.
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Post by +.Morbid.Marionette.+ on Feb 5, 2007 20:27:22 GMT -5
Oh my gosh! That was the best! <3
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